Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss, particularly the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. While grief is commonly associated with emotional reactions, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioural, social, and philosophical dimensions.
National Grief Awareness Day, observed on Friday, 30 August, was founded by Angie Cartwright in 2014, to raise awareness on grief.
Types of grief
Anticipatory grief: This is experienced before an expected death, and includes cognitive, affective, cultural, and social reactions. Aspects of this include depression, heightened concern for the dying person, and adjusting to the consequences of death.
Normal grief (uncomplicated): These are common emotional reactions after a death, especially if unexpected, and includes emotional numbness, shock, disbelief, and denial.
Complicated grief: This entails variations from the normal grief pattern, with the following descriptive labels:
- inhibited or absent grief (little evidence of expected separation distress);
- delayed grief (symptoms occur much later than typical);
- chronic grief (prolonged duration of symptoms) and
- distorted grief (extremely intense or atypical symptoms).
Five stages of grief
1. Denial: It is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, and can be a defense mechanism. Some people may become locked in this stage when dealing with traumatic changes.
2. Anger: This manifests different in each person (may be anger with oneself or others). Common expressions used are “Why me?” and “It’s not fair!”
3. Bargaining: This stage traditionally involves seeking solutions, but it rarely provides sustainable solutions, especially in life-or-death situations.
4. Depression: It is an intense feelings of sadness and disengagement, and is a time of quiet desperation.
5. Acceptance: This stage brings peace regarding the loss and focusses on the reality and meaning of the loss.
Coping strategies for grief
- seek out caring people;
- express your feelings;
- take care of your health, eat well and rest;
- postpone major life changes, allow time to adjust;
- be patient;
- accept that life is for the living; and
- seek outside help when necessary.
Helping a grieving person
- listen with compassion;
- avoid forcing someone to open up;
- acknowledge all feelings;
- be willing to sit in silence;
- provide ongoing support;
- stay in touch;
- offer extra support on special days;
- avoid assumptions based on outward appearances; and
- offer practical assistance.
Completion of grieving process
The completion of the grieving process varies. Healing occurs as pain lessens. You do not “get over” grief; you learn to live with it.
Families South Africa (Famsa) renders bereavement counselling to navigate grief and find ways to adapt to life after a loss. Seeking professional help during this time is a sign of strength and self-care.
Dial 053-723-1564.
– Marthie Trollip, chief social worker, Famsa
